Christmas Steve

Happy Christmas Steve!

Christmas Steve?

December 23^rd, you haven’t heard of it? Of course you haven’t because it’s overshadowed by bigger holidays like Festivus. But let me bring you up to speed on the history and explain how you can do your part in celebrating Christmas Steve.

A million years ago I thought holidays were sacred and indelible. Then, as I got older and society got lazier, I realized that holidays are just all-consuming holes in the calendar. Plant one and it will metastasize to other days, turning weeks and, in some seriously deranged cases, months into unproductive feed for the celebration.

Christmas is the darkest of dark holidays whose event horizon extends past Thanksgiving with gravitational effects all the way to July. Remember when Scrooge’s sole employee was like, “Can I take a half day on Christmas Day?” Guy knew he had to be home early so he could keep the kids out of the kitchen while their tiny scrap of meat got roasted. Now? “Whadda ya mean I don’t get December 5^th off?”

Insane. But minus the hyperbole, Christmas Eve has become, in all practicality, a holiday. Can you imagine Scrooge’s face when he finds out the 23^rd is the new Christmas Eve? But like, eve eve.

No, eve eve doesn’t work.

But Steve. Steve has all the rhyme, all the eve without sounding like Great Great Great Grandpappy. Steve answers the question, “December 23^rd?”

Interestingly enough, there is a real Christmas Steve. The 26^th is called St. Stephen’s Day for being the first Christian Martyr. But no one wants to hear about xmas after the big blowout. Everyone is so freaking burned and worn thin that a Canadian holiday, Boxing Day, has managed to bleed through the fabric of society.

But anyway, Christmas Steve, as observed on the 23^rd of December before all the fun and anticipation has fully bled out of Christmas, is a casual way to celebrate something your way. The only traditions are no shopping or gift wrapping. Steve insists your time is yours.

Happy Steve.